green grass

Sometimes I wonder whether or not you should do something just because you have a natural way towards it. To get to a decent level at anything, then obviously it takes more than just a little talent. You love it and so you give the time to it that's needed. But why is it, when you make a decision to go somewhere and actually start something, that you can only think about what you left behind. And you can only think about what the place is not, not what it is. I used to sit in politics lectures thinking I can be doing more than this, I can use my body for more than merely sitting here. Now sometimes I stand at the barre with my hair slicked, and I think I can use my brain more than this.

So why does the grass always seem greener? Why are there so many things to study and have groovy jobs in, why is there this need to do them all now? It's obviously quite impossible to do it all now. You'll end up being jack of all trades, and master of none. But even knowing this, does not keep the frustration at bay.

Sometimes I'm just not quite sure what trade it is I yearn to master.