At this time exactly, give or take about thirty seconds, I have just truly discovered what it is to be free and feel free in love..To be free in life. And in thyself. To have memories, but only cling to the beautiful ones and free oneself of the undesirable ones, knowing that the lessons have been learned.
(S)omeone was correct, to love you are free. To love you gain strength. In yourself and in your love for your own sandy creature. Whatever and wherever they may be for you.
I have loved with all of my heart and learned with it too, to my beloved. Initially it was not till after Hannah's death that I truly let be. Freed myself from the un- necessities lingering.
Though being here, dealing, not dealing, allowed me to slip back into habits. I allowed myself back into those habits. Ones I do not desire in myself. Certain weakness' that if given enough thought gain the momentum to be destructive.
So, after twelve days spent with a lover and a friend, soul mate and my partner in crime, we found ourselves the time of our lives. Thus far.
Coming back to the village was different this time. Different to the days of the girl in the mirror. The lost lonely soul. I have found you are only lonely if you choose not to see all those around you. Love is free. It is also everywhere. And it comes in everyone. Amount doesn't apply. It cannot ever quite be expressed in words but one will never stop trying.
This time I have found myself without forcibly digging deeper. Feelings float to the surface, bubble their way up until the pop with something more. Something new. Something blue. (I just liked the sound of that last sentence, forgive me for feeling marital.) And actually if they were any colour they would be yellow.
I now understand what it is to be the daughter, the sister, the friend, the lover and the soul mate. The niece, and the cousin. To be Nicola.
I know who I am and I know where I am going.
Life is chapters. This is a jolly dandy one!
Are you with me?